


Hanging on the edge (with you)

by ratbastard666



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Author Projecting onto characters, COMMUNICATION IS KEY CMON GUYS WTF, Chaos, Character Study, Depression, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Angst, Genderfluid Sugawara Koushi, Hurt/Comfort, Ihaveneverwrittenanythingbeforeimsorryifitsucks, Im sorry terushima stans but i cant stand him, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insomnia, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Nonbinary Yamaguchi Tadashi, Other, Pining Tsukishima Kei, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Punk Yamaguchi Tadashi, Slow Burn, Terushima is abusive, They/he pronouns, Tsukishima Kei Needs a Hug, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima is kinda uptight, Yamaguchi Tadashi Needs a Hug, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima help eachother, Yamaguchi is a depressed artist, Yamaguchi is a mess, Yamaguchi is angry, kuroo and tsukishima bffs, they/them pronouns, tsukishima is a simp, yamaguchi being an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratbastard666/pseuds/ratbastard666
Summary: Yamaguchi is in a band. Tsukishima is “starstruck”. Both emotionally broken in their own ways, but together they can figure out what they really want in life.-Tsukiyama Band AU.Tsukishima never got over his pride.Yamaguchi could never overcome his bullies.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s), STARTS WITH TERUSHIMA/YAMAGUCHI, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	1. Quick Introduction !!

Hello!  
This is my first story ever!!! So of course I’m very excited to have you with me as I continue writing! Though this is a “character study” fic, it will of course include some of my self projecting onto the main characters.  
This story isn’t gonna be too light hearted, it’s a lot of Hurt and a generous amount of comfort.  
It will be a slow burn and currently I do not know how long it will end up. I do have an idea of the plot, but other than a thin outline, I’m writing off the top of my head.  
I would DEFINITELY appreciate any comments or slight criticisms, so I can improve on my writing as this goes along. The first two chapters will be posted together, and then I hopefully plan to add a chapter every week.  
(No promises I’m sorry.)  
Thank you for taking your time to check this out.  
-  
Updates available from my twitter :  
https://twitter.com/obakenma  
-  
Special Thanks to Theo for reading and editing my shit <3


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer!! I am writing this on my phone, and currently do not have access to a computer. So I apologize for any weird formatting!!  
> First two chapters here we go!

The loud bang from the front door closing snapped Tsukishima out of his daze. He was sitting on the couch with his computer open and had let his thoughts wander. But now alert, he watched his roommate walk in, followed closely by a shorter man who’s eyes gleamed with excitement when he saw Tsukishima. The redhead ran over to the couch, a few inches from Tsukishima’s face. His nose and cheeks flushed red from the cold, he smiled a toothy grin. 

“Tsukishima-san!” He yelled, and Tsukishima closed his computer, setting it on the coffee table.  
“Have you ever heard of an inside voice?” he replied with a sharp tone.  
“Yeah, but I’m too excited!” 

Before Tsukishima could respond a voice came from the kitchen area.  
“Where we are going, you won’t need an inside voice, get your coat Tsukki.” 

Tsukishima glanced over to see a tall man with messy black hair over one eye smirking, and leaning over the kitchen counter. He held up three pieces of paper in his hand, waving them slightly side to side.  
“Also, why is it so dark in here?” he questioned while looking around the room. 

It was dark, Tsukishima didn't even notice until now. He glanced over to the window on his right, and it was night already. The city lights shining against his glasses and a cloudy sky covering any signs of the moon. He could seem a steady stream of people walking in the streets, they looked like ants, and it was easy to forget each one had their own specific little life happening simultaneously.  
How long had he been sitting here? Had he just been sitting in the dark for an hour? His attention was snapped toward a light flickering on besides him.

“Hey, did you hear me?” The taller man now stood beside the couch staring down at Tsukishima, while the other walked toward the bathroom humming a familiar tune. 

“Kuroo, could you not bust through the door everytime you come in, I might assume I’m being robbed.” He responded sliding off his glasses to rub his eyes, staring at a screen in the dark didn't help his already poor eyesight.  
He put on his glasses and glared at the man as he stood up. He was only a few inches shorter, but he was sure that Kuroo had an unfair advantage. Half his hair stood up, giving him another inch of height. Despite the many attempts to comb it down, Tsukishima found that the bed head was relentless. Kuroo claimed he didn't mind it, and that he'd had it since he was a kid. One time, Tsukishima offered to shave his hair bald, and in return got an appalled face from Kuroo. Tsukishima wasn't being fully serious, but Kuroo couldn't tell sometimes. 

“What would they take? Your “rare” Ammonite collection?” Kuroo teased, smirking at Tsukishima, who rolled his eyes and walked past him to his room.

It was small; it had to be, for a two bedroom in Tokyo. Tsukishima was thankful for separate bedrooms, even if it shrunk their bathroom and kitchen size by half. His room was neat, besides the many books stacked next to shelves that were already full, mainly about paleontology and other scientific studies or interests. He had loved dinosaurs since he was young and over the years collected models of different fossils and bones that he found most fascinating. The collection now spread over multiple shelves and the top of his dresser. His eyes drifted over to an Ammonite fossil that he was particularly fond of. He had gotten it for his 12th birthday from his aunt, and it was one of the first added to his now large collection. It was the only one he had both pieces to, it was sliced down the middle, the inside was full of fake gold glitter. He assumed his aunt had gotten the cheap thing at a museum gift shop of some sort, but he still liked it. It looked like the stars, especially at night when he held it up to the moonlight, the sparkles shining into his eyes as he moved it back and forth.

He caught himself staring at nothing again when Kuroo peeked his head in.  
“Can you be any slower? We’re gonna be late.” Kuroo whined, with a fake pout on his face.  
“You still haven’t told me where we're going.” Tsukshima responded dryly as he walked over to grab a scarf from his closet, taking his time to find a hat as well.  
“I did tell you, twice actually. I mentioned it last week and you'd agreed to come with me.”  
“Why is Hinata here then?” Tsukishima responded, as he glanced around for his wallet. Kuroo pointed over toward the dresser, where the slim wallet sat, underneath a small brachiopod fossil.  
“He already had a ticket, and plus he's Kenma’s best friend. I should try to get along with him, and so should you.”  
Tsukishima grabbed the wallet and slipped it into his pocket before walking by Kuroo, who was standing at his door frame. Kozume Kenma. What an odd choice for Kuroo. It was still a bit surprising that Kenma could deal with such a loud mouth, Tsukishima pondered as he started slipping his boots on.

About six months ago, Kuroo had told him he was bringing over a friend for him to meet. It was a surprise to Tsukishima, because even though Kuroo tended to boast about his relationships, he had not heard of anyone named Kozume Kenma until the day they had met. Though it was possible he had just zoned out the specific conversation where he mentioned them, he didn't ask about it either way. Kuroo talked a lot, and most conversations were one sided, but Tsukishima didn't mind. And neither did Kuroo, he knew Tsukishima didn't talk much unless it was necessary, or to make a sly commentary.  
Kozume was on the short side, and had long hair tied back into a bun from their face, with the ends bleached yellow. Their sharp gold eyes dug deep into Tsukishima’s, it made him feel a bit uneasy, like Kozume could read everything about him with a glance. They were very soft spoken, and compared to Kuroo, could be opposites. For this reason, Tsukishima liked them almost immediately, and bonded over making fun of Kuroo. Tsukishima assumed that Kuroo actually enjoyed seeing him and Kozume getting along, he never got too upset at their constant insults towards him and his bedhead.  
At first, Tsukishima actually assumed they were just friends, but he soon realized how Kuroo looked at Kozume with such fondness. His eyes gave everything away, and usually Kozume was too busy looking at their phone to notice the loving look Kuroo gave him. Sometimes it made him feel lonely, but he knew he didn’t need a relationship.  
They were always complicated, and most people couldn't put up with him anyways. Tsukishima was too cold, too detached, and apparently it wasn’t obvious how much he cared.

“Hinata are you ready? How long does it take to take a piss?” Kuroo shouted back into the apartment. 

Tsukshima grabbed his winter coat, slipping it on smoothly. Kuroo slipped the tickets into his pocket and grabbed his bright red beanie off the hook by the door. Kozume had given it to him as a gift, and sometimes Tsukishima wonders if it was actually a joke gift because of the obnoxious color, either way Kuroo wears it. 

“Coming!!” Hinata shouted as he ran towards the front door, “I'm just really nervous, I’ve never been to a live show before!!” He slipped on his shoes and checked for his ticket in his pocket. 

“You’ll be fine. I'll put you up on my shoulders if you can't see the stage.”  
Kuroo swung the door open and held out his arm dramatically showing the way out.

“FUCK YEAH!” Hinata shouted, jumping up nearly to Kuroo’s height, as he went through the door.  
Tuskishima patted down his pockets as he stepped out the door, checking he wasn't missing anything. Phone, wallet, keys, he wasn't. 

“Alrighty, let’s go, it's only a ten minute walk but I wanna get there a bit early.” Kuroo led the way out the apartment complex doors, and an icy breeze slapped Tsukishima in the face as he walked out. 

It was cold, even with a jacket, hat and a scarf. Hinata was almost skipping besides him and Kuroo, wearing only a grey beanie and a large pine green jacket, covered in random patches. His smile stretched wide across his face.  
Kuroo looked lost in his thoughts, and Tsukishima wondered if Kuroo also had loud thoughts. If he also stayed up at night, thinking about the past, about the future. Just as Tsukishima always ended up doing. Maybe Kuroo could relate to him. Tsukishima tore his gaze away from them and looked up at the cloudy sky, barely able to see the light of the moon. He couldn’t, Kuroo wouldn’t understand, everything that plagued his mind. So much, all the time. Thoughts so dark that he scared himself, and buried them deep down. He didn't need anyone, he didn't need to open up. In a way, it was fear, his fear of abandonment and of not having control.  
It was nights like these where Tsukishima wished he could see the stars and that he lived away from the light pollution of the city. Space was something he could think about and study for hours, but in the end he always felt small. So insignificant. He took a deep breath of the winter air, it felt good to be out tonight, but he wished he could see the stars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an FYI, I will be switching between two perspectives of both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi throughout this story. I will try to make it obvious when I do.


	3. Chapter 2

Picking up the pace of their walk, Kuroo explained that they were headed to a live music bar, where his favorite band “PRPL” was playing. Apparently it was a hard show to get tickets for, due to the growing popularity of the group, and Kuroo bragged about his tight connections to the manager of the bar, granting him access to tickets early.  
Tsukishima had heard the name before, but had never paid it much attention and had never listened to their music either. He wasn't picky about music exactly, but he knew what he liked and what he didn’t. Occasionally he listened to soft music that made his insides all mushy, usually love songs he couldn’t relate to. But he really enjoyed loud music, music that he could feel anger and passion passing through his headphones, to his mind and down through his fingertips and toes. He wanted to feel.  
It could almost cover up the thoughts that plagued his mind, they were loud and constant. Making it hard to go without background music, especially when falling asleep, and found himself overthinking for hours, staring at his dull ceiling. But music was his escape, and almost always had a pair of earbuds on him.  
He wasn’t too excited, but a free ticket to live music? What could be better on a Saturday night? 

They arrived shortly, a large red neon sign greeting them, “The Red Room” it read. It was very bright, and Tsukishima had to avoid looking at it too long, hurting his eyes. Kuroo gave a woman by the door a nod and handed over their tickets. She had short black hair that came up to her chin, with slight bangs, and a small beauty mark on her chin. She was quite beautiful. Giving Kuroo and Tsukishima a quick glance, then she looked Hinata up and down before asking to see his ID, obviously thrown off by his height. She glanced up at Kuroo again, revealing a snake tattoo down her neck. Tsukishima felt a bit nervous when she glanced at him again. He liked tattoos, and planned on getting at least one sometime in the future, but on the neck? That seemed like it would hurt, and it was such an obvious place that couldn't be hidden easily. He would probably get a small one, somewhere more personal. Somewhere only he and someone close to him would know about. Like a small secret marked on his body. 

Hinata didn't seem to be surprised by her asking, and handed his ID over from his pocket with a grin. Tuskishima understood why she had asked to confirm his age, he had thought the redhead looked like he was in his mid teens when they first met. Hinata did not remember, but Tsukishima was sure to always tease the redhead about how he couldn't hold his liquor. 

The woman at the door thanked Hinata and motioned them inside. Warmth hit them immediately, and Tsukishima felt a bit hot with his jacket on, so he slipped it off, along with his hat. Kuroo did the same, leading the way down a small hallway. A low red light shone on them as they came upon a set of steep stairs, walking down carefully, Tsukishima noticed band posters messily plastered on the walls. He recognized quite a few of the bands, and assumed they had all played here once upon a time. It really would be cool to see one of his favorite artists live. The music would numb his brain and he could be able to feel the vibrations from the speakers through his entire body, not just his ears. It could make his mind quiet. Peaceful.

Once down the stairs they were met with a wide room with a low ceiling, where random red light bulbs hung all around. Kuroo’s hair was almost brushing against a few of the hanging bulbs, but he was obviously above the average height of the rest of the people there.  
A group of about 30 people could be seen closely standing together, huddled in front of the stage. Tsukishima also realized in this moment he wasn't dressed down enough, he had on regular black pants and cream collared shirt, only a few buttons free at the top. Everyone else was dressed in similar clothing to one another, ripped pants or shorts with cropped or ripped shirts. Almost intentionally messy looking. Tsukishima didn’t mind the look, but it was hard to see himself wearing something showing so much skin. Plus it was winte., Did people really go outside like this? Some People were holding drinks, assuming from the bar to the left. The room was small, and could probably only fit another 10 people in it comfortably. The three of them walked forward, towards the stage and crowd. He wondered if Hinata felt anxiety in such a small place as he did, he was at eye level to most people, whereas Tsukishima easily towered over the many heads in front of him. The stage wasn't much higher than the ground, but Tsukishima was tall enough to see the amps on each side of the stage, along with four microphones. The stage was lit up with red, purple and blue lights. No one was on yet, but a drum set, bass, and electric guitar could be seen, waiting to be played. 

“C’mon Tsukki, aren't you glad you came with us? Wipe that expression off your face.” Kuroo teased

“This is what my face always looks lik-“ 

Kuroo pushed his shoulder into Tsukishima before he could finish his sentence, and he lost his balance, taking a step to the side, causing him to bump hard into someone. A shorter man with black hair that was trimmed nicely to his face, Tsukishima noticed that he didn't really look like the type to be in a place like this either. But the quick movement caused the man to lurch to the side, spilling half of the drink he was holding in the process.  
Shit.. 

“Goddamn it Kuroo,” Tsukishima glared over toward Kuroo, who had a genuine face of regret,  
“Im sorry, my friend bumped into me and I-“

“All good champ, most of it would have spilled anyways. You should be more careful though, you could have started a fight, especially with people around here. Luckily I’m a nice guy.” The man smiled genuinely, toothy grin revealing a missing tooth on his left side.  
Maybe this guy has been in fights for the same reason, he looks…strong. Tsukishima pondered.  
Although he had a bit of a height advantage, the man’s aura was much more intimidating. He decided he wouldn’t wanna be on the guy's bad side.

“Can I buy you a drink?” chimed in Kuroo, who had been watching the interaction from behind Tsukishima.  
“I won't refuse a free drink, but.. uh… only if you understand I'm a married man.”  
“Ah of course, of course. I am also in a relationship, but if I wasn’t, I definitely would be interested.” Kuroo smirked and put a hand to his heart, “I have always been a kind person, so let me get you something.”  
The man looked a bit thrown off by the first statement and was attempting not to smile too wide. The light was too red to see if any color was on his face, but Tsukishima assumed he was blushing.  
He cleared his throat and stood a little straighter, “Thank you, I’m Sawamura.” He held out his hand toward Kuroo who took it with the sly grin he always had on his face.  
“Kuroo Tetsurou. A beer?” Kuroo walked by Tsukishima, guiding Daichi toward the bar on their left before he could even get a word in. He didn't really mind, he wasn’t really up for small talk anyways. 

He glanced around the dimly lit room, searching for Hinata. The redhead usually wasn’t very easy to spot, due to his height and smaller build. But to Tsukishima’s luck, he noticed Hinata almost immediately, standing at the front stage talking to a tall man with black hair that hung in his eyes. He recognized him from Hinata’s birthday party. Though now he looked more rugged, his pants and shirt looked two sizes too big, and he also had a black long sleeve mesh shirt underneath it all. Tsukishima couldn't bring a name to the face, but he was sure it was him. The man also held two drumsticks tightly in his hand, fidgeting with them slightly as he listened to Hinata.  
Ah, the drummer.  
Hinata was slightly bouncing up and down while the man on the stage was watching him intently, as Hinata rambled on about random shit. Which Tsukishima had the pleasure of hearing once in a while. He was worse than Kuroo, because Kuroo at least knew when to shut up and have a comfortable silence. Hinata however could talk and talk, usually in broken sentences, jumping from one topic to the next in a flash. Tsukishima usually zoned him out, sometimes unintentionally. 

He felt a tap on his back, and turned around. No one seemed to be there until he looked down, seeing a small blonde ponytail bouncing side to side. Standing, now in front of Tsukishima, was a very small girl who could easily be under five feet. She wore a small black pleated skirt with knee high pride socks and a tight red long sleeve shirt.  
“H-hi… uh-excuse me.. i-uh…” the small woman said in a quiet voice, while she stepped side to side nervously in big black platform boots. She looked very worried, or scared even.  
“I-I uh need to uh, get to the stage…. you're uh... really tall.”Tsukishima, a a bit distracted, didn't fully register what she had said until about 5 seconds later. She must have taken his silence as confusion, so she clarified. “Can you uh, escort me to the front, the front stage? I’m uh, I’m a bit on the short side.” She giggles nervously, and looked toward the stage.  
Tsukishima followed her gaze, and Hinata was still talking to the tall man, but now two others were on stage checking the mics and equipment. The show would probably start soon and he should grab Hinata anyways.  
“I- uh yeah I can.” Tsukishima gave a small nod and walked toward the group of people standing in front of the stage. He glanced back a few times while working through the crowd to confirm the blonde girl wasn't lost in the sea of people. She had tripped a few times on her boots until they finally made it to where Hinata was standing, he was still slightly bouncing up and down. 

“Hina-“  
“KAGEYAMA.”  
The blonde girl shouted so loud it made Tsukishima jump back a bit. Hinata and the black haired man were now both looking towards her. The blonde girl marched up to the stage in her heavy boots, Kageyama looked unphased.  
“Yachi wha-“  
“Why didn't you check your phone?! I tried calling you like 10 times. You left me OUTSIDE! It’s FUCKING COLD!”  
“I- I don’t have my phone, Yamaguchi is using it.” Kageyama calmly replied.  
Yachi huffed and swiftly lifted herself onto the stage, and walked over to the Bass guitar on the far right.  
Kageyama excused himself and walked over to Yachi, who tried to ignore him by fixing the strap on her bass guitar. Kageyama easily stood two heads taller than her, even with the platform boots on.

“Hey, they’re about to start, should we find Kuroo?” Hinata pulled on Tsukishima’s shirt to get his attention.  
Tsukishima hummed in response and started through the crowd of people, heading to the back of the room toward the bar. It was slightly loud, the room full of excited chatter. Hinata was trailing closely behind, when they spotted Kuroo laughing obnoxiously at Daichi, who had an amused smirk on his face. 

“Hey, Kuroo, stop flirting already, the show is gonna start soon,” Tsukishima teased, and glanced back at the stage, where Yachi and Kageyama were testing out sound and positioning. Another person walked on stage, carrying an electric blue guitar and making their way toward Kageyama. They had short gray hair, and wore fishnets with shorts cut off mid thigh, lastly a baggy ripped up shirt.  
“Thiss iss my rooomate.. uh Tsukishima..” Kuroo’s words slurred a bit and he gestured toward where Tsukishima was standing. Daichi grinned softly toward him and Kuroo slumped over a bit. Obviously, he’d had too much to drink. Daichi was sitting next to him, with only a half-finished beer in front of him. Kuroo on the other hand had about 6 empty shot glasses next to him; he was quite drunk.  
“Nice to meet you, I see Kuroo is real fun once you get a few drinks in him huh?”  
“He gets hornier and hornier the more you give him, it’s not always fun.” Tsukishima responded lightly, and Daichi gave a knowing look, leading him to believe Daichi was used to the type. 

“GUYS IT’S STARTING!” Hinata shouted and ran to Kuroo, pulling him up from his seat to a standing position. He wasn't that intoxicated, but Tsukishima knew he would be drunk messaging Kozume later tonight.  
A loud riff on a guitar drew the attention of everyone and the room silenced. The person with gray hair, who Tsukishima assumed caused the startling noise, walked to the front of the stage to a middle microphone. He tapped it twice and his large grin was pointed in Kei’s direction, no, it was pointed to the person next to him. Daichi, who had a smile just as big pointed toward the stage. He was fiddling with a ring on his finger, probably a nervous habit. Tsukishima took note that it was on his left ring finger. 

“Alright, alright, we are gonna play a few old songs, then our star will come out to lead the rest of the show.”  
A few whoops and hollers came from the crowd, and from Kei’s peripherals he could see Kuroo leaning onto Hinata as he swayed slightly side to side. Hinata's eyes were wide as he stared toward the stage, specifically towards the drummer in the back, admiration slapped on his face.  
A loud riff of a guitar started again, along with a smooth bass line and steady drums. It wasn’t bad, but Tsukishima was definitely excited, but his mind drifted a bit, and he wanted to know who this “star” was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next will be Yamaguchi’s perspective. I hope you stick with the story!!!! Thanks for reading !!


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi has a breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you would like an example of the song I imagined Yamaguchi singing then check this out: https://open.spotify.com/track/2rYuHaDb95oy6gs0rbxII7  
> or  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/1m3F0Vl2WiNKCXD0KiGvx2
> 
> (Just imagine lots of shouting... )
> 
> Music that the band was playing before Yamaguchi came on:  
> https://open.spotify.com/track/6hxaBTglCwMfu3Kx1i5Mri
> 
> -
> 
> TW // REFERENCE THROWING UP

“You're full of shit!”  
The words easily slipped off Yamaguchi’s tongue, it was a phrase that they found themselves saying a lot. Yelling a lot. Usually directed to one specific person, who now stood tall in front of them.

“Yamaguchi, stop acting like a child, you're on stage in 10. You're lucky you have such understanding co-workers, they are covering for your ass, again.”

Co-workers, a stupid fucking word. Rage built up in their chest again, and Yamaguchi could barely contain themselves. Terushima always knew exactly what to say to push his buttons. They weren't co-workers, in a band the word had no place. Yamaguchi could feel his face getting hot and small tears prick at his eyes.

“They are my friends. My family. Stop saying fucking coworkers!” Yamaguchi yelled again, voice cracking.  
But Terushima wasn't looking at him anymore, he was on his phone. Not acknowledging Yamaguchi, or what they had just said.   
Yamaguchi spun around and walked towards the bathroom, knowing Teru was done talking for now. He was ignoring Yamaguchi. The first hundred times he did it it hurt, but now Yamaguchi was used to it. They were used to not being heard. 

They pushed the door open to the bathroom, and walked to the sink, turning on the water. Yamaguchi stared at the reflection, it was supposed to be them. Freckles, brown shoulder length hair, it looked wild and untamed with a few strands sticking up from the top of their head. They looked tired, dark circles under their eyes accompanied with heavy black eyeliner. Their left eye, even covered with concealer, you could see the dark tint around it.

Fucking Teru. 

Yamaguchi straightened their shirt collar as they stared unamused into the reflection. It didn't feel like their body. To be sure, they wiggled their fingers around, watching for a fault in the movement that would prove they didn't have full control. That they were just looking into someone else's body. They sighed and turned on the sink, washing off their hands and running fingers through their untamed hair.

They wore a cropped long sleeve turtleneck underneath a primary colored button up tee. It was unbuttoned completely and hung largely over Yamaguchi’s small shoulders. Tight ripped pants with patterned stars Yamaguchi had hand painted themself.   
They looked like someone could give them one push and Yamaguchi would tumble over. 

They thought back again, to the interaction with Teru. Yamaguchi shivered and felt a weird swirl sensation in their stomach. “Oh, fu- “  
Yamaguchi turned around to a stall in the bathroom and quickly pushed the door open. Leaning over the toilet they let out the mixture of energy drinks and liquor. Yamaguchi slumped back against the stall wall. Had they eaten today? Yamaguchi couldn’t remember. It had been a blur of yelling and raw fingertips. They had been practicing a new song, but using a guitar, instead of a keyboard. Yamaguchi knew how to play both, but was much less experienced on strings. 

The song they were practicing was one of the reasons Teru was in such a bad mood. It was different, and it was already hard for Yamaguchi to try new things. Thoughts and self-doubt always plagued their mind. Terushima liked being in control. He had a way to do things, and that's how you were supposed to do it. Including the music Yama played. 

Yamaguchi rose slowly, head spinning a bit. But their chest felt tight, and a feeling of warmth spread out to their fingertips. They felt full. Besides the fact they just got rid of anything that could have been filling. Determination. Yamaguchi felt determination and a shot of confidence shoot through them. They glanced into the mirror again, before exiting through the bathroom door into the cool hallway.

-

They went to the side of the stage, and didn’t see Terushima. Music was playing loudly, they needed to get on stage. Only one issue, their guitar. Originally leaning against the wall near the drink table behind the stage, was now gone. They knew they didn’t move it, so it would have had to be someone else. They needed to be on stage now, so who-  
Someone put their hand on Yama’s shoulder and in a low voice spoke into their ear, “Mr.Terushima took the guitar and headed to the back.” The stage hand who had said this looked worried. Giving Yamaguchi a pitiful face before leaving to the side stairs. 

Of fucking course. Yamaguchi internally cussed to themselves and ran their hands through their hair, pulling lightly in anger. They didn’t have time for Teru’s fucking games. A loud voice interrupted Yamaguchi’s thoughts, coming from the stage. Sugawara. The band. Stalling for Yamaguchi. They took a deep breath. They needed to get on stage now.

Yamaguchi walked quickly towards the main microphone in the middle of the stage, to Suga. Who was smiling and saying something about Yamaguchi? Despite the loud noise and bright lights, everything around them felt soft. Almost like their sensations were muted.   
Suga put the mic in Yama’s hand and gently rubbed their shoulder before walking back to stand next to Kageyama. 

It was quiet. Yamaguchi quickly took in the scene. The crowd in front of them was covered in a dim red light. Everyone was looking at them. Yamaguchi took a deep breath, and glanced over their shoulder. Giving Kageyama, Suga and Yachi a nod. The previous rage from earlier built up again, and Yama knew exactly what they would be singing. 

It came out, almost as a yell. A scream. A few yells and then the drums, bass and guitar backing them up. Yamaguchi’s face was hot. Eyes becoming blurry, they could feel tears running down their cheeks as they screamed into the mic. Harsh words and full of emotion. All the anger, all the pain that Yamaguchi had been holding in. They finally let it out. It was so much. Their breaths were heavy, and toward the end it was close to a sob. 

On the last note, they dropped the mic to the floor. Everything was too bright, too loud. Their cheeks were wet, and their chest was still heavy. Yamaguchi moved off the stage quickly, almost in a run. They couldn’t see where they were going, it was blurry. They felt so hot, it was too hot. Once out of the spotlights on the stage, and behind the side curtain, Yamaguchi managed to take a deep shaky breath. They felt even more tired than before. As if they had just been running on adrenaline before. They tried to catch their breath, but a strong hand grabbed Yamaguchi’s forearm, and pulled them hard towards the back door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, next chapter will be up sooner than later <3   
> each chapter will be about 1000 words. some longer than others???   
> They/Them pronouns are sure validating to write hehe

**Author's Note:**

> First two chapters planned to be posted January 10th.


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